im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
