I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
