You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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