A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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