I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
