Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
