her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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