I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
