I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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