but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
