I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
