i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
