The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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