i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
