Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
