thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
