Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
