She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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