I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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