maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
