youre lurking in front of me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
