I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
