you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
