Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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