Will you blow on my dice?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
