i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
