can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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