Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
