I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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