I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
