from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
