you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
