I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Randomize
