Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
