five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Shame - the story of my life.
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