ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
