I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
