Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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