i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
