Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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