Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Found the puke drawer
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
