She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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