You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
