Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
