Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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