you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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