You can't motorboat a personality
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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