his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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