I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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