My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
