if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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