How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
